Coffee and Tea

I’ve been faking my work logs for almost 5 days now. It doesn’t feel good. Everytime I open my laptop, may attention goes somewhere. We don’t have a tight deadline for my current projects so I don’t have anything to push myself to finish anything. I was just procrastinating for days.

Few years ago, I fancy a life like Hyori’s Bed and Breakfast. I’ll wake up early, make myself a cup of tea and listen to good music. It makes me feel peaceful just imagining a morning like that but nowadays, I can hardly differentiate time. I have so much time in my hands yet I’m accomplishing nothing. I just eat a lot and sleep too much. The guilt is overpowering that my supposed-to-be comfort playlist made me feel sick. I had to pause and choose another song. So when I decided to share few items from Coffee and Tea it only means I’m supposed to be working but my attention went off track again – this time for a blog entry.

Alexi Murdoch – All My Days

Peter Bradley Adams – The Longer I Run

J Rabbit – Growing Everyday

The Barbarettes – Summer Love

Ourselves the Elves – Okay Okay I’m Wrong I’m Sorry

Jose Gonzalez – Stay Alive

Troye Sivan – The Good Side

Lilla Vargen – Downtown

Lee Sang Soon – Again

Adult Mom – Be Your Own 3AM

Junior Eurovision Song Contest

The recent news about Poland’s 2020 entry to the Junior Eurovision reminded me that even if the adult version was cancelled, the kids version is still happening on the 29th of November. So far, my bet is Poland but it’s too early to say. I’m still waiting for the final version of the songs and the complete list of the entries. There’s a total of 13 participants this year with Germany making its first debut.

Eurovision is popular in Europe but I only found out about it last 2016 when Mariam Mamadashvili won with her song Mzeo for the Junior Division. A record breaking win for Georgia making them the only country to win the Junior Division thrice. If ever Poland takes the crown this year again, the record for winning three consecutive years will be theirs.

I’m more familiar with Junior Eurovision since it only started last 2003. Fewer songs to listen and look up compare to the Adult version which has been airing since 1956. The songs feels a little bit weird when I first listen to it but through time, the songs grew on me. Listening to each of the songs in different languages feels like I’m also getting to know their culture through music. I can hear the influence of “international”, “generic” sounds on the new entries but older songs are so unique, weird but fun and refreshing.

1. Bzzz is Georgia’s first ever win and the first song in an imaginary language to win Eurovision Song Contest. Yes! Imaginary language. Music is indeed universal.

2. Spain’s 1st win at the second year of Junior Eurovision

3. This became Georgia’s lowest rank until last year. The live version isn’t that good but the chorus is so catchy. Plus this song’s MV is the most viewed Junior Eurovision videos until 2019.

4. Georgia’s 3rd win. This is the year I discovered Eurovision and until now, I’m still rooting for Georgia’s next win.

5. My favorite among all the entries from Georgia and I think she deserved more than 2018’s 8th place.

6. The last entry from Georgia in this list so as not to make it too obvious that I’m a “Georgia stan”. When I first heard Giorgi’s song, I know this won’t get them a win but I predicted a higher score than 14th place. It’s Georgia’s lowest place ever since they made their debut on the contest.

7. Same as Giorgi’s We Need Love, I think this also deserve a higher place than the 12th.

8. The best result of France so far – 2018’s 2nd place. Among all the Junior Eurovision Songs, I think I watched this video the most. It’s super “Junior”, super “kid” song.

9. Took me a while before I finally admit to self that I like this song. It’s the most popular song during the 2019 contest but 2019 is also the year with a lot of good entries so when people flock to this song only, I feel like they’re being unfair. This deserves the win though, won’t argue with that. This is also Poland’s record-breaking 2nd consecutive win making them the first country to do so and the first to win the event as the host country.

10. 2016’s 4th placer

11. There’s a lot of mix reaction with this song. Some says that the boy’s deep voice doesn’t match the girl’s clear voice but the more I listen to it, the more I want to listen to the duet. Without the boy’s unique, husky voice, this will definitely sounds like a generic song. This is Russia’s worst result so far.

12. This year is only the second year for Kazakhstan but they’re getting good results so far. After their 6th place on their debut year last 2018, they won 2nd place the year after. Kazakhstan ranked 1st on the Jury votes last 2019 but unfortunately, Poland turned the table around with the combined points from online voting.

Though I must say, our Filipino kids from The Voice Kids and other singing contests are better than most of these especially during live performances.

The details and few notes for each songs are all from Wikipedia. They have a looooooot of Eurovision-related articles there.

September 2020: Yarn Stash

I finished way moooreee amigurumis than Asana tasks this month. It doesn’t make me that happy because the more amigurumis I make, means lesser tasks at work. Lesser tasks at work means more overthinking. Overthinking means escaping to K-drama land. K-drama and K-variety shows is my background noise when I do amigurumis. In short, this month, I had a lot of time to spare for shitty, unimportant things. So here’s a stash of my unproductivity:

  1. Tiny Animals
See pattern here

2. Piglet

See pattern here

3. Pink Turtle

See pattern here

4. Totoro

See pattern here

5. Pucca

See pattern here

6. Cheeky Eggs and Chicks

See pattern for the cheeky eggs and the chicks

7. Bigger Chick with a hat

See pattern here

My phone doesn’t have a high-end camera and I’m not good at editing. I’m disappointed with the photo, they look way cuter in person.

Hidden Sketches

Ever since I started doing crochet, I’ve been very active on my Instagram Stories. I post my finished amigurumis on my Stories every week. Dunno if you can call that active but this is my first time to personally share anything about my life on social media. An hour ago, after posting an unfinished Ice Bear, I also shared few of my unfinished sketches for the sake of sharing things that that are on my unfinished piles. I guess this is all because of the quarantine blues. Kind of also letting my friends know that I’m still alive.

Only few of my friends know that I actually like drawing and sharing those few sketches kinda feels like it’s a big move. It has been my primary hobby for a very long time now but for some reason, it’s not something that I’m proud of. I’m even more confident to tell people that I tried calligraphy instead of saying I “tried” drawing. It’s just something that I do because it makes me happy. After posting a few of them though, I finally decided to dump them here.

I didn’t put a date on each of them but these are my 2016-2018 collection of colored pencil sketches:

Reference photos for all sketches are from Google

Liebster as an excuse for not working

To be honest, I have a lot of drafts that are of question-answer type contents. I realize I’m not good at answering questions because I always feel like I over explain. So as a challenge, I decided to finally publish one.

Thanks Jolens for tagging me.

These are the award rules:
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog
2. Answer the 11 questions given to you
3. Name 11 fun facts about yourself
4. Nominate 11 other bloggers
5. Ask your nominees 11 questions

1. Why do you blog?

I started my WordPress account when I was in college. When I started blogging it was mostly for my everyday rants and random spazzing which I know was better of as a tweet, but I feel like Twitter will expose my thoughts too much to my friends so I decided to become anonymous in my own world.

2. What do you like most about yourself?

I like that I’m independent. It wasn’t something special but I like that I do things on my own. Sometimes, I hate this “loner” kind of personality but most of the times it’s quite helpful (proven and tested during this pandemic).

3. What is one thing that you are very good at?

I’m interested with a lot of things but I’m not good at any of them. I’ve been in denial for the past few years, convincing myself that I just haven’t figure it out yet but I finally came to terms with myself that I’m probably just average on a lot of things.

Oh! I remember colleagues and friends would often tell me that I’m good at remembering things. I would often tell them about the stories they previously shared to me and they’re amazed I still remember the details. Or maybe I just have a lot of people with short-term memory around me.

4. What is your favourite song at the moment?

On Your Collarbone by Jordan Klassen

5. What constellations can you recognize when you look up at a starry sky?


6. What was the last Filipino film you saw?

Wow. I haven’t watch a Filipino film for a while now. I watched Miss Granny when my friends decided to organize my super smol housewarming party.

7. What goes on in your head when you solve 38 + 47?

8+7 = 15 carry 1, 3+4 = 7 then add 1

8. When did you last laugh?

Just a few hours ago, after rewatching Lee Kwang Soo’s acapella for The Lion Sleeps Tonight. I’m laughing while typing this.

9. What is your favourite alcoholic drink? (If you don’t drink, why not?)

Beer. And I’m drinking one right now. Hihi.

10. What has been your most expensive purchase to date?

Our house in Bicol. Still in progress.

11. What are you excited about?

Going home and spending the rest of the year with family. But more than excitement, it kinda makes me nervous though.

I don’t have that much blogs that I interact with so I can’t tag other people. Instead of sharing 11 facts about me, I’d share 11 songs from my Spotify’s On Repeat.

1. You Will Be Found by Dear Evan Hansen Cast

2. Is It You by Rachael Yamagata

3. Dick & Jane by Sidney York

4. Autumn Morning by IU

5. Nunu Nana by Jessi

6. Vegas by Cody Fry

7. betty by Taylor Swift

8. Dumdi Dumdi by (G)idle

9. 24 Hours by Mayu Wakisaka

10. My My by Seventeen

11. This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory

August 2020 – Yarns

I started August with a desperation to go home. Living alone in my tiny apartment for 5 months without going out finally took a toll on my sanity. I’m dragging myself everyday. My job isn’t keeping me busy too since we don’t have much client apps these days so we kept on picking backlogs. I can’t even feed myself good food and I’ve been sleeping too much. So when I say crocheting saved me this month, it wasn’t just me being OA or anything.

On the first week of August, I ordered a crochet kit online. I had it already on my cart since the start of quarantine but for some reason I kept on delaying it.

I started out with crocheting small stuffs. The usual crochet patters you can find on Youtube – swatches, coasters, wallets, phone cases, granny squares. I almost gave up on my first few tries because I picked the wrong pattern with the wrong yarn and wrong hook.

The first finished project which I can call “finished” is a string pouch. I never thought it’s so easy. Way easier than all those coasters I’ve been making for a few days. Told ya, wrong beginner pattern to try.

After trying few wallets and pouches, I decided that I’m now ready to take on the main purpose of this crocheting journey – amigurumis. My actual goal in trying to learn crochet is to create cute amigurumis. As usual, I followed few Youtube as a starter. After the first whale (but looks like a butete), I tried out few of the free patterns from Amigurumi Today and tadah! I’m finally satisfied.

Few amigurumis after, I’m finally off on a new world where I learn about the different compositions of yarn, their fiber contents and how pricey they are. I recently bought a couple of yarns online which costs me 500 pesos only to find out that “good” yarns actually cost around 300-500 pesos for just one roll. Reminds me of that first day when my crochet kit arrived and I was amazed that it’s way cheaper than my art supplies but now, I feel like I might be paying for 500 pesos roll of yarn in the future.

The problem with this new hobby is that I can do this kind of stuffs all day. I can finish amigurumi and pouches in one sitting and I’ll realize after that it’s already dark out and I have no food and I’m hungry. It’s kind of addicting but it keeps my mind empty without necessarily getting anxious about it.

I also started to try knitting, just to see the comparison between the two. Short backstory, I tried knitting for the first time around 5 years ago. This first attempt was a complete failure that’s why I have a long 6mm needle sitting in my storage box – still with a price tag. I got a little bit better with it now, not sure whether it’s because I already tried crocheting or because of the new yarns. I’m still skeptical though. I’m not enthusiastic with the few finished rounds as I had with the crochet. I’m not sure whether I can dedicate weeks or even months for a scarf, or a jacket. I think knitting products are kind of a long term project and I feel like there’s more of a pressure since most of it are wearables. So I’ll probably stick with crocheting for now – more amigurumis and bags. But I think I also need to learn knitting to make those cute sweaters for amigurumis.

I’m still planning to go home though. The sooner the better, but I’m still scared and still torn whether it’s a good idea or not. But I really hope I won’t have to spend Christmas alone here.

One Day While In Quarantine

  1. Woke up at 9:30 just in time to attend the 10:00 am meeting
  2. Went back to sleep and woke up at 2:00 pm while promising self to work for the rest of the day
  3. Ate late brunch while watching series in preparation for work
  4. Washed dishes and cleaned sink
  5. Took a long shower because it’s better to work when you’re feeling fresh
  6. Finished the whole series I’m watching so that I can continuously work after
  7. Ate corn and drank Coke on the balcony to release stress
  8. Cooked 3 dishes after the corn break because there’s a sudden urge to try new recipes
  9. Added new items on my list of series I’ve watch during quarantine
  10. Had coffee at 11:00 pm
  11. Blocked Facebook, Twitter and Youtube to focus more on work
  12. Random dance and exercise at 12 midnight
  13. Took second shower at 1:00 am
  14. Made a new playlist that I can listen while working
  15. Decided to make a new blog post
  16. Failed to do real work at all while sarcastically congratulating self for being so good at this

Alternate Universe

There were times, random at most, when I would be scrolling through facebook and I would see a familiar name from my hometown. I’d end up digging through their stack of friends and I would found some familiar names. Clicking here and there would always makes me realise how I hate myself for being a loner when I was younger and still ended up being one at the present. I always have these mixed emotions when I see them on screen. A little bit or regret. What-ifs here and there. Sad longing for something I haven’t even had. And a lot of loneliness.

I’m sure I’ve met these people when I was younger. Some of them are my mom’s friends. Some are neighbourhood old ladies who greets us by yelling (pahagada daw gulayon; pagparahinigos na naman) at our house when they passed by. Some are kids that I would usually see on Santa Cruzan and town fiesta but I was too snobby and to shy (I admit) to be friends with. Right now, I’m trying to think how different it must’ve been if everytime I go back to Bicol, I have neighbourhood friends to visit me at home. We’d share snacks while watching TV, they’re probably close with my mom to and would always be present even during family gatherings. During fiesta, we’d chat about who’s going home or not and we’d have outings. I’d probably go to Simbang Gabi also during Christmas, someone would come to our house at dawn so we could go together.

A couple of days ago, my mom’s childhood friend reached out to me on Facebook and asked for her number. She’s courageous enough to reach out while there’s me who can’t even chat her few friends randomly when she wanted someone to talk to. My mom has a lot friends, unlike me. She likes people, unlike me. She loves organizing party and inviting people over, unlike me. Hay! If only I was a little bit friendlier and sociable.

Drunk Night

Josh and Luna went out for a short drive for a late night snack and they were already heading home. Luna’s drumming her fingers along with the music.

“When’s Scarlett going home?”

“She said she’d be home this weekend. But no Scarlett yet. That girl needs a break.”

 Her phone rings and Maru’s name appears on the screen. She swiped immediately. 

“Please tell me you’re not drunk.”

Josh knot his eyebrows. This is a new type of conversation he encountered between Maru and Luna.

“I’m not home!”. She argued trying to tone down her voice but failing miserably. “Lucas’ out. His car’s gone.” She finally whispered. A few sighs after, she rolled her eyes and look at Josh before dropping her phone. “Can we do a side trip somewhere?”

After an approving smile, Luna entered the address on the GPS, then cursed silently at her breath. “I’m really sorry. That guy – ” then curse and sigh “- shouldn’t drink when he can’t even get himself home. Sorry. I usually drive Lucas’ but —- ”

“You know how to drive?” He gave her a side look. 

“Well, I have a license. But please don’t tell Lucas I’m driving his car secretly. That guy’s impossible.”

“You like everything that’s secret, huh?” A joke but he looks too serious for it to be considered as one. 

Before she can even argue back, she looks out of the window and saw a familiar crowd on the end of an alley. She tapped Josh’s arms and asked him to stop. Before she opened the door, she looked back at him. “Can you wait for me and -” She hesitated before finally saying: “Don’t get out. Just wait for us.”, because she knows that Josh can clearly see a group of odd-looking men, circling someone who was almost hugging the ground. It was Maru.

Josh throws a concerned look outside and when he was finally about to unbuckle himself, Luna continuously tried to get him settled on his seat. “I know them, okay?”, he retreats and gave her a nod before letting her out. 

From Josh’s point of view, Luna just calmly approach the group as if she really did know them. And when she arrived, everybody looks at her from that dark isle and she managed to squeeze herself in. She hangs a dead-drunk Maru on her shoulders like an easy-pea mouthing some words to the group. Josh was anxiously drumming his fingers on the wheels, he’s waiting for something. If anyone of them starts touching Luna, he’s prepared to run out and latch on anyone of them. One of the guys, slowly started approaching Luna, they were almost one inch apart but Luna – no matter how far Josh was, looks like she was not taking a step back. And they’re even exchanging words or curses no matter what that was. 

Josh can’t take it anymore. He was about to open the door when she saw Luna pushing the guy away. It was a hard push. And the guy didn’t even fight back. And he stayed that way. Luna finally make her way out of the crowd, with Maru on her shoulders, without looking back, without even an evidence of slight fear that the men behind her could stab her if they want to. It was when Luna was already a meter away from the car when he went out and help her get Maru settled on the back seat. Maru was almost passed out when they throw him inside and he even had a black eye.

Luna was still cursing at the drunk guy behind them when she finally get settled on her seat. “Sorry about that. This guy – ” she glared at Maru. She decided to just sigh. 

Few minutes after, they were heading to Maru’s apartment. There were an arguable amount of silence. And for the first time, Josh wanted to ask questions. It was the first time, he felt like he finally caught a glimpse of what Luna and Maru are. Are they thugs? Secret drug dealers? Mafia? Who are those people? Are they on a gang? Luna did really know those people because if not, there’s no way Luna successfully went away without a fight. Maru might’ve been dead for all they know. And Luna never bat an eye when they were almost on the car. She never show fear or maybe there was none at all in the first place.

They arrived at Maru’s residence without waking him up. Luna knows the floor number, the room number and even the door password. She must’ve been here. A lot. She even tried to clean up the mess on Maru’s bed and drop herself on the living room sofa when they were done.

Josh settled himself beside her. He sighed. He must’ve been nervous and anxious and angry at coming up with no answers in his head. He must’ve been frustrated. He’s frustrated. It’s frustrating to have too many questions and never even had a way to ask those. It’s frustrating to be always curious. Especially, if you had been too curious for too long and there’s always too many things to get curious about every time you ignore it. 

“Do you always do this?” He finally asked. He deserved at least this one.

“Not a lot. But mostly yes. He gets drunk from time and time and won’t be even alive to bring himself home. And yes, I usually sneak up to drive Lucas’ on an ungodly time of the night – or morning rather, just to pick him up. He’s just got a lot on his plate. That’s all.”

“I probably won’t mind if I wake up at an ungodly time just to drive you somewhere to pick him up.” He waited for a reaction but none came. She just lay her head on the sofa and closed her eyes. “I’m saying, I think it’s – ” not safe “not nice for you to drive all the way out there alone.” 

She smiled, still eyes closed. She knew about the hesitation on the word he used. 

“I didn’t go out when you said don’t, so I at least can testify how trusty I am in keeping secrets”  Is this the right way to talk her into this? “Besides it’d be good to have some back up right? I can fight.”

She finally rose up and laugh. “We’re not fighting. Those are just some bunch of people we see every now and then. It’s not always like this.”

Another Friday Night at the Cove

It’s friday night. And after a long time, she’s been coming again for the friday cove event and it’s been her 3rd consecutive attendance for this month. Amidst all the rumors that she’s been hearing, she decided to come even if Atasha’s been whispering to her on the ride a while ago if she’s okay or if she’s sure she’s coming. And the thing is she is.

The cove is packed with people as usual. Mostly young ones dressed in colorful party clothes you’ve ever seen. There’s plenty of bar on every corner. You can pick whatever drinks your heart desires. The music is banging. The DJ’s on fire. Nana and Atasha spotted Rico and Shawn and they join them as they sway their bodies in the middle of the crowds. Still, every friday in the Cove feels like the best night of their lives.

An hour later, they went to fill their stomachs with beers and spot an empty chairs in front of Cole Beasts. They dig beers with their heart’s content. Shawn was making a joke, trying to be heard out in the middle of the noise. Nana laughs beside him. The DJ stops the music, and the host starts testing the microphone. The biggest event for the night is about to start. People scattered from the dance area, going on their own separate places, some crowding on Cole Beasts. There was some hissing and cheering and the host finally called out Ethan Chase.

Ethan Chase, standing on the stage, looking at the familiar yet foreign crowd inside, started plucking his guitar, and soon there was singing. Unknown to the crowd partying to his music, he was already at the party an hour ago. He was with his friends, Gio and Logan, drinking beers on the side and it was also an hour ago when he saw an old friend in the middle of the crowd. Her hands high up in the air, her hair flawlessly dancing with music and shit! she does glow. She glows with her dress swaying as she moves her hips and she glows as the familiar glitch of smile draws through her eyes. Ethan hesitated for a moment, struck for a moment, his mind currently reminiscing in triple speed mode and it’s as if the music stopped abruptly to catch his thoughts. And he realized then at that instant, that this must be what it feels like to be back.

Written earlier from publish date